....slowly counting down the days until I can finally live life....

30 October 2009 @ 03:29 pm

he got sick of selling trees and gave into his greed;

Wow. People whine a lot.

Fuck being there for people when they don't give two shits about you.

Worthless pieces of shit.

lol I've become such a dickwad and an ass lately.

And I really don't care.

Deuces.

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20 October 2009 @ 03:30 pm

i will never faulted. i'll stand my ground.

Is what I keep telling myself. *sigh*

Fuck.

I'unno why i'm so stressed out all the time these days. I feel like i'm totally fucked from here on, and I don't even really know why. I'm probably slipping one grade, one. single. grade, and it's a high D, one point away from a C, and I'm freakin' out about it. 'Cause after that everything's taken. Yay. Fuck. ANd my teacher doesn't fucking help anything either. I'm tired of working my ass off and it not working. I've studied, took the tests, and it's just. not. fucking. working.

I'm tired of thinking about the future. Fuck that shit. I have to think of college, marriage, a GOOD career, and all the other bullshit that goes with it. I don't even know what I wanna be, or if it'd be enough to support a family. Maybe architecture, but I dunno. That's on my mind now. I wish I could just sit in a room, paint, draw, play guitar, write lyrics, all that jazz and just get paid for it. That'd be so sweet. But no, I can't. I mean, I want to amount to something. To feel like I really worked hard for something. I wish I was a foreighnor. lawl Coming to this country and starting with nothing, and working my way up. I mean, c'mon. I duno why, but I'd love to actually have to work for something. School? Fuck that shit. Seventy percnent of the shi I learn won't matter years down the road. I wish I deserved what I have. Instead I feel like just a moocher. It's why I love playing the Sims. I have to work for everything I get on that game. But whatever.

I'm trying to tell myself that everything is going to work out in the end. And it'll all be okay. And so far, my head's still up. Dunno for how long, but it's still up. Maybe I just need a vacation. I wanna go to Florida. I wanna sit on the beach, stare out into the ocean, and not have to worry about anything. I'm so addicted to my phone that the very thought of not having it scares the shit out of me. I hate that. I wish I didn't flip out when I dropped it, or flip out if I get it taken away. It'd be different if I had a job and could buy a differen't one, but I can't do that. Damn, man. I wanna work.

First chance I get I'm going to Florida. And I'm going to love it. I'm going to go to Key West, or something. I'm going to shut off my phone, and my laptop, leave it away. Walk to the beach, sit, and eat a pie and drink iced tea. And just, for once, relax.

I sound like a fucking middle aged man. haha

shit

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10 October 2009 @ 07:53 pm

roll up your sleeves to make them see how you've grown;

I saw August Burns Red two nights ago. It was brutal.
Pure.
Brutal.

Yesterday was aight.

Today was shit until like two or three hours ago but now I'm thinking. In a thinkings mood.

I've realized a lot about people. And honestly, thinking about it, how my life's been...

I honestly wish I didn't make some of the relationships I have now. It's just too stressful.
Nothing's right. It's like..

there's always something. I can't trust this person. I can rely on this person. This person just probably doesn't even care about me. And wtf it's too hard trying to even be friends with this person.
At this point I'm really getting annoyed.

And I'm tired of having to hide what I say from practically everybody. I've been so stressed out lately. So I'm going to try and just be totally honest from now on. No matter who it pisses off. Like right now.

I've been having the strong want to smoke a cigarette so bad. I know, that's bad. But I'm not going to. 'Cause, ya know, it's bad for ya. And this is what people who have quit smoking go through, so I can do this. << >> << But truth be told if I could I would. Oh god how I would.

I want to go back to.. 8th grade.
And just chillout. Be more laid back. 'Cause I know I was a douche then.

I wanna chill, and I wanna go out and party like all the other kids do. I want to keep the friendships I had because I feel like I was happiest back then. Happiest friendship wise, not relationship wise. (Amanda) I wanna redo my entire life. I wanna be somebody that most people like.

I've been thinking lately. Who cares what happens. You only live once, might aswell live it up. I want to fucking party. I want to go out one Saturday and just get smashed. No, not 'cause I'm depressed. No, not 'cause I'm a rebel. But to just have fun.

Normally I don't find that shit fun... but to be 100% honest...

I really don't know what I find fun anymore. I don't think I've had fun for a long time.

And that scares me.

I'm such a hypocrite. But whatever. Fuck it. I don't are anymore.

I need to relax. Have fun with my life. S'only one I got. So I'm just going to chill and not care about what people think anymore. Fuck 'em. 'Cause the people I have now, I could care less what they think. Period. (though there are a few that I do care about, discluding them)

I'm too young to be even thinking like this.
I'm fucking fifteen.

....

I need a life.

On a side note!
Atleast I've finally gone to shows. I've seen such good bands. I love it.

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26 September 2009 @ 09:31 pm

(no subject)

So today was the day. :D

I saw Amandar again. And it was great. <3

The morning didn't start out too good, to the point where we almost didn't even see each other. But things worked out nicely. She picked me up and her nana asked her for my address, which puzzled and worried us both, but I guess it's all good. First off we went to the mall, but the mall didn't have a Hot Topic, Lolz, so we went to the other mall. Then we drove around a bit, went to Sonic, drove around some more, and then we stopped in a parking garage for about an hour. And no, before you jump to conclusions, we didn't do the nasty. :P We just cuddled. And it was great. We told each other a lot of stuff we didn't know about each other, and it just gave me some weird feeling.. like.. I'unno what it was. It wasn't a bad feeling.. just an odd one. Maybe I was so happy I couldn't comprehend it. lol Anyways, after that we went to Walmart.. for some reason.. and ate at the Micky D's in there. Then sh dropped me off at home. And can I just say it was such a good day. <3 I wouldn't change it in any other way.

Well, 'cept for the huuuuuge fight I got with my brother when I was home. But meh. Shit happens, right?

That's all for now,

Alexio, out! :D

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21 September 2009 @ 10:07 pm

chainsaw brutality, tornado strength.

So, it's been awhileeeee.
My bad livejournal. lol

Okay, for starters..

I hate arrogant people. So much. I mean, what is there deal! No matter what they won't fucking listen to you and just keep whining and whining. They need a serious attitude adjustment.

Second, I'm tired of my friends. lawl That sounds so mean but it's just annoying. Most of them are dicks and rub shit in my face or belittle me. It's annoying. I miss all my old friends in 8th grade. When I'd actually have a good time chilling out. Now it's just.. annoying. I don't even wanna do anything half the time 'cause I don't wanna be around them. But whatever. That's life I guess.

I see Amanda Saturday. :D Can I just say.... yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Wewt! I am so fucking excited. :D I love that girl so much. :3 I can't wait to hold her and kiss her again. :3
I wanna feel her in my arms again so bad. <3

First we're gonna go to the mall and I'ma buy her a birthday gift 'cause it's in two days. Then we're probably gonna go to the beach, or maybe
to dinner. I'unno. I wanna walk on the beach aned hold her hands and talk. That'll be definantly fun.

I'unno. Whatever we do, I'ma be a happy muthfucka.

'Cause I love that girl so much. :3 I wanna see her soooo bad.

But that's it for now.

Deuces. :3

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02 September 2009 @ 10:35 pm

the earth swallow the water

Dayum.
Been awhileeeeee.

lawl

So the past week has been flips and turns. lol I don't really have much to say, but meh. I'm being forced to. :O So s'all good. :D

Hm. Well the beginning few days I wasn't in such a good mood. Just felt sorta bitter and such and I didn't really know why, but I got over it, thank god; and now I feel fucking fantastic. I have no idea why but I'm in such a good mood and have been for like two days. lol Things just seem to be going great. I'm doing well in school, my relationship is going well, Amandar got my letter so now that's a part of me with her. /ok I got new pants. ;D And underwear, and socks. I'm closer to having my restricted and closer to having another fine day with Amandar in a few weeks. Life is good~ I'm scared something's going to just fuck up, but that's why I've been knocking on wood for a few hours now. lol Oh wells~

Oh, and me mum might be getting a Barracuda car. lol She deserves it, afterall, she has to deal with shit from me and the rest of my brothers, so I think alls-well that ends-well. I guess.

That's it for now. lol

Peace.

-Alex

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10 August 2009 @ 04:38 pm

(no subject)

Been awhile since I've posted.
I forgot I had this thing. lawl

I think this is the first actual time I posted without somebody asking me to in awhile.

Life for the past week hasn't been too great, and I can't believe I didn't see it coming. I mean, I knew it had been sorta shitty, didn't know why, but still. I guess it was just one of those shitty weeks.

School starts in one week exactly. I'm both excited and kinda sad. Excited 'cause I'll be able to see all my friends again and that it's a new year and such, and sad 'cause i'm going to have to work my ass off again. lawl This year I'm determined to make straight A's.

Things with Amanda haven't been too great the past week. I've been an ass, I don't know why, but I know I have been. We got into a pretty big arguement yesterday and well that wasn't as great as it sounds. I guess things are good now, but I can't shake a heavy feeling inside of me that we're just straining time until it ends. I feel like it is going to, soon. I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to fuck something up and she's just going to tell me that that was the final straw. And honestly I'm quite scared shitless. I don't want to lose her. I feel like this is the end for all of things. Maybe it's just because summer's ending and I always get this depressed, "everything is ending." feeling. I do every summer. I'unno. All I can say is that I hope it won't end. Because I love that girl more than I could ever express in any shape or form. And I can't imagine my life without her. I feel like crying right now actually. haha

Oh well.

I'll get over it.

-Alex

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01 August 2009 @ 10:25 pm

You've got style, and that's what i love about youuuuuu

Today was definantly the best day of my life.

I met my love. :3

It was so awesome. She passed me on the highway and the turned straight around, it was so funny. It seemed like she was in a huge hurry. lawl Then we drove around and talked for a bit, for like 30 minutes, lol, we were both wicked nervous and shy. Then we parked and we went into a little patch of forest next to a river and talked some more. Hugged, took pictures, then kissed. :3 It felt amazing. I can still feel her lips and her arms around me. Then we talked some more and then she took me home.

Damn, I love that girl so much. <3 I want to see her so bad again. I still have tingles. lol

That's all for now,

peace!

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21 July 2009 @ 10:44 pm

i said that i don't need you, but i'm a liar, i swear i do! i do!

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I feel kinda awkward for posting this.

But, well, I fucked up. ); Big, with Amanda. And it makes me want to cry just thinking about it.
But! We're doing better. :D Which is good. And I'm thankful for it. <3 I love that girl so much.

I got my permit yesterday! :D I turned 15. lol Mah birthday :D

I felt so sick getting it, but I had to redo my signature thing like five different times. lol And the lady made me feel like a fool. Oh well~

My brother busted his car, and so he had to get a new one. He drove through water and flooded his car. And apparently his car was fucking totaled. So my parents bought me a car.. but now they're giving it to David. But David's car apparently... lived. After all doubts from everybody.. it lives. In David's words:

"That car came back as a zombie. I'm not driving that thing. Especially not that it knows I got a new car, it'll just make it madder. *turns to the car* Why won't you die!"

Well that's it for now, my parents said they'd be me a new car.
lol

But okay,
I'm out.

Deuces!

-Alex

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13 July 2009 @ 05:52 pm

the Florida sun begs me to come back home;

HOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeee

finally.

Incase you didn't know, which I'm sure you did, I went to Georgia.
For a family reunion. lol

It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. :D

Friday : we drove there and got to the hotel, took 5 hours, better than I thought it would. But we ended up getting a razor blade stuck in the tire.
Saturday : we got our tire replaced and then went to the reunion. Then we went to my Great Uncles? Or something's cabin in the mountains for the night, bad part was I hardly had talked to Mandar all day. ):
Sunday : We went river rafting and then to a crazy Indian hotel and chilled for the night.
Monday : Drove home. Felt kinda bad because I felt like I was spoiling everybody's fun. ): But I got over it. But an hour and a half before the drive was over my mp3 died. D: Sad.

It wasn't as bad as I thought. Maybe next vacation I won't whine so much about going. lol

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28 June 2009 @ 07:07 pm

they keep playing sad songs on the radio, and i feel like i'm so alone, on this fifteen hour drive;

....
....
<<
>>
<<

I hate this distance.
I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE it.

I want to be with her. <<
I want to be with her so bad. >>

And normally it doesn't really affect me, and I just shrug it off.

But sometimes, sometimes, every now and then, it gets to me. And it hurts, so bad.
Ugh.

I feel so helpless when it comes to this. Because I can never do anything with her and it makes me want to just cry. I swear, the feeling of being hopeless and alone and helpless has to be the worst feeling in the world.

Ugh.

But I'll get over it. I know I can.
'Cause nobody can give so much and never get anything, right?

... right?

Only three years to go. *sigh* I say that so much, but only 10% of the time I'm really bothered by it.
Like now.

- Alexio

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26 June 2009 @ 08:46 pm

look to the sky;

So,
yesterday

Michael Jackson passed on. D:  I'm kinda sad about it to be honest, because even though I never listened to him or anything, I respect him as a musician. He was a really influential artist and is certainly one of the best there ever was. So all I can say :

He's rockin' out with John Lennon in that big stage in the sky.

So things with Mandar and I are doing well. :D Very well. A lot better than this past week has been so I'm really happy for that. :D  These past few days have been amaaaazing. :D

I feel like I'm losing my best friend Will. But I sort of don't care because he's starting to become a total asshole. <<  I liked him better back when he dated Sharon 'cause now he hardly ever talks to me and shit. And I try talking to him and he just always seems like he's in a bad mood or I do something wrong. Whatever. << Speaking of friends, I got reintouch with an old one I used to know in 7th grade. :D  But she's kinda... depressed. xD  'Cause her life's shit but I try to make her feel better. lol And such and such. I must have talked to a lot of friends from my school today. Or that I used to know. Anyways.

Not much to say. Besides that I have hardly played guitar at all these past couple of days. So, I'ma do that now.

Decues.

-Alex

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22 June 2009 @ 12:26 am

i'm not gonna sit there and let you take this from me;

Today has been a very angry filled day.

A whole episode with my father being a whiny, annoying, piece of shit. Screaming and beating my little brother which freaked me out and pissed me off so bad. Then threatened me and yelled at me. Why? Because our rooms weren't clean. My brother was BEATEN, because his room wasn't clean. That makes me so mad. AND he completely bitched out my mom. I am so pissed 'cause of that, it makes me so mad to hear him even speak. I swear, if he ever touches my mom out of anger, I will fucking kill him.

I may not be the nicest to my mom, but I do love her. And I will never let anybody hurt the ones I love.

In other news, Amanda's neighbors and family are being cunts. AGAIN. And keeping her from sleeping when she has work at fucking 4:30 in the morning. Why is it so hard to be nice these days? Why does everybody have to be a fucking prick about everything. I swear, if I was there I would have shot her neighbors, her dad, my dad, and blaaach. I feel like a fucking pyschopath but at this point I don't give a fuck.

I'm so tired of angry fucking obnoxious people being complete assholes and feeling like nothing's wrong and that they're always right and all that other bullshit. It's fucking annoying. I don't care how hard you work, how much you get paid, how little you get paid, or anything like that. You don't have any justification to be cruel to anybody who doesn't fucking deserve it. And both Amanda, and my brother didn't deserve anything like what they got.

Ugh, fuck people. They should all burn in hell. >>

..
..

*awkward*

Another thing : I do not feel that I should be told to go to bed at twelve. -_- It's my fuckin' summer. I have all of next year to sleep early, but right now, I do not think that my summer should be wasted lying in bed for two hours when I can't fucking sleep.

Dad : "Go to bed."
Me : "It's my summer."
Dad : "Doesn't matter."

>>
*sigh*

I've become way too angry today. Fuck it.

In other news, I talked to Jerry today. Talking to him about shit always makes me feel better. He's just so... understanding. 'Cause his family is just as pricky as Amanda's and mine combined. I feel really bad for him, too. *sigh*

I guess I really do wish I could help everybody, I really do. I'd give my life so that I could help everybody and make everybody happy....

... to bad I can't...

-Alex

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20 June 2009 @ 09:06 pm

Happy Seventh Months!

:D

Today marks the anniversary of me and Mander's seventh month anniversary of when we started dating.
Time feels like it has flown by since we've been dating, and for the most part, I've been immensly happy.
So here's to yu, love! happy anniversary. I loooooove youuuu <3333 With all mah heart and soul and body and mind and all that good stuff. :3

In other news, I'unno.
It's summer.

I'unno.

I'm happy.
I'm in love.
I'm looking forward to another happy seven months. <3

- Alex Shakibanasab

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16 June 2009 @ 03:32 pm

beautiful scars cover my broken temple;

All glory goes to Amanda for the wicked sweet layout.

It's pretty sick. I'm so grateful to her for it.

Thanks baby! I love this new layout. And I love you for everything!

- ARS

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09 June 2009 @ 11:28 pm

and it feels like, i'm ready for anything, if you can wait for me.

I don't have a lot to say

okay, well, yes I do. :P But only about one topic.

This is probably one of my only posts that was actually inspired by my own free will, and you guys must be like "Oh wow, must be some crazy occasion!"

It is, well not occasion, but I just want to dedicate this to a girl who has touched my heart in more ways than I could ever describe, and who means the world to me. But okay, I guess I should stop rambling and start this....

*ahem*

Amanda Emily LaCroix :3
I've been dating her for rougly six (almost seven) months now, and have been in love with her for a little over a year. We began dating in August for the first time, but things didn't work out and such, and so we resumed in December of '08. This girl has made such an impact on my life, and has definantly changed it forever. She can always make me smile, even when I'm having the shittiest of days. She's kind, caring, sweet, loveable, loving, forgiving, generous, hard working, intelligent, cute, beautiful, sexy, kinky, daring, sarcastic, fun to be around, a great listener, ubber anime nerdy (:P), and is the love of my life. She is one of a kind.

She is one of the only girls who can tolerate my music that I know, she can always make me feel better, she understands me, and accepts me, despite my flaws. She's seven years older than me, but somehow, we're able to make it work.

She puts up with all my bullshit and somehow, at the end of the day, (most of the time), I can still put a smile on her face that I love to see. :3 I love hearing her laugh, it's so cute. She's an incredible singer, and has awed me more than once. She' got stunning eyes, and looks to kill. She constantly gives me butterflies, and despite her innocent look, she can be quite the fiesty one. :P

Call her what you want,
ugly,
fat,
annoying,
bitchy,
moody,

I don't care. I'll call her my love. My better half. My soul mate. The girl I love with all my heart, and the rightful owner of it.
She makes me the happiest person alive, and I will always consider myself the luckiest guy in the world for being able to be with her.

I want to marry this girl some day.

I could probably say a lot more but then I'd be up all night, so I'm stopping it at here.

Amanda, I love you, baby. And I always will. For all eternity. Forver and ever.

Forever your's,
Alexander Reza Shakibanasab

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07 June 2009 @ 11:35 pm

don't forget yourself we've made up our minds and we've signed three, four, five, on the dotted line

I've got a sexy new laptop nao. :3
It's so nice. It's got a built in webcam, 220 gig harddrive, it's vista, and it's a nice sleak black coloring. It's so amazing.

I luhs it.

And school ends in two days. I survived freshman year. Woot.
I've got four exmans left and I am done. Hello summer.

And mum told me I might get a phone sooner than I expected, so that's good too.

I can't think of anything else right now, so I'ma stop it at this.

G'night peoples.

-Alex

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01 June 2009 @ 08:16 pm

Fall to your knees, accomplishing nothing;

:O

Sooooooooo,
Hm. Life as of so far... *thinks*

Okay..

School is ending in a week and I'm stoked for summer. :D  I really am. But it came so fast. It's crazy. :o Fucking, September was months ago and it only feels like weeks. Fuckin' crazy. I'ma miss all the friends. D:  They're so amazing.

Dylan, Wade, Courtney, Jerry, Will, Steven, Brandon, Hoebee, Kayla, Cody, Chris, Sierra, Nathaniel. And all the others I can't name right now. Ah well~  I need to get numbers.

So, I hate my family. Completely. As always. And I'm starting to get more and more annoyed and not feel so bad about it anymore. They're just so whiney and annoying, it's fucking annoying. I wanna move out so bad.

And as I've said countless times before, I hate being fourteen. So much. It blows so bad. I feel like a nineteen year old in a fourteen year old's body. ):  My complaining reason because I want a job to buy a new phone and a plan and a guitar and a car and everything. D:  *sigh*

Fuck. Age.

Anyways, I've been watching NCSI with Amanda for the past... like, three hours. lawl And it's been really fun. :3 But I have to get back to her, so that's it for now.

Deuces

-Alexander Reza Shakibanasab

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28 May 2009 @ 07:29 pm

all I can say is maybe, this is what, I've been expecting, all along, all along;

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Mandar is visiting. :D

August 31st through September 8th. :3 I'm so stoked. I get to see my Amanda! :3

Hopefully.

We still have to figure out where we're gonna go, how we're going to see each other, etc.

So hopefully, things will work out. I'll go insane if I have her so close to me and yet not be able to see her.

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20 May 2009 @ 08:41 pm

there is a part of everyday, when I lie to myself and that it's okay;

And this update is dedicated to my favorite stalker. :P She knows who she is~

So..

I want a job. lol So bad. Now, I know that I shouldn't, and that I should enjoy my childhood, and that I'll regret getting one etc. And I know that everybody is probably right when I say that. But there are things that I want :

New phone plan.
New phone.
New guitar.
Car.
Stuff.

So, I figure it'll be another year before I get one, but hey, I needed something to whine about. lol

'Tis all for now, I'll check back later. :P

Deuces.

-Eskander

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